I was raised in a non-touchy-feely home. Though I always knew my parents loved and cared about me, we never really expressed it in physical terms. As such, for the longest time I was pretty much a hand's off kinda guy. If I touched someone, I was probably at least dating them, if not intimate with they. As I have grown older, I find myself becoming much more of a "hugger/toucher".
I have found out that hugs come in different forms and functions. From a friendly hug hello, to an intimate hug of invitation. Hugs of consolation, reassurance, and forgiveness. Hugs of polite acceptance, and hugs of desire. And all shades in between. Same can be said for the touch. A firm hand on the shoulder to convey support, that same touch, done more lightly could mean a tentative wish for closeness.
I admit I am much more likely to touch/hug a female than I would a male. But a firm handshake, a clasping of the shoulder, even that one arm'ed manly hug while shaking hands is always open to my male friends. But I have grown to truely appreciate a warm hug from a female friend. Sometimes its just a friendly thing, I give them a hug as a greeting. The closer I feel to them the more I am likely to touch or hug them.
Even more fun are hugs instigated by a woman. Interrpeting the hug or touch is a game. One I love to play. I am sure 99% are just what they appear to be, a friendly gesture. But in my mind, I sometimes analye them, did that hug go longer than normal, was that touch lighter and more intimate that the last. Call it the mind ramblings of a middle aged man who wonders if women find him attractive. (Don't worry ladies, Brenna is not the jealous type, she is one of the reasons I have turned into more of a touchy feely type)
One of the harder things is physical contact in the workplace. Here is a perpetual minefield. While at home/play, I can hug and touch, and the only thing I have to worry about is making a BF or Husband jealous, or someone thinging I am creepy. At work, the pitfalls are varied. There a number of women in my office who, if they where SCA or other non-work related people, would get hugs, and such. But at work, or even a work related event (like happy hour at the local pub), the hug is not a option unless its firmly and obviously started by the other party. Sexual harrasment or making a "hostile" work enviroment are real issues in the workplace. Again, a battle rages in my head, my instinct now is to touch, or give a hug, but my brain says not here.
In conclusion, no matter what type of hug it is, I enjoy them all. Keep them coming, and accept those that I and others offer, because you never know when it will be the last.
Comments (6)
"Even more fun are hugs instigated by a woman. Interrpeting the hug or touch is a game. One I love to play. I am sure 99% are just what they appear to be, a friendly gesture. But in my mind, I sometimes analye them, did that hug go longer than normal, was that touch lighter and more intimate that the last. Call it the mind ramblings of a middle aged man who wonders if women find him attractive."
I'd be willing to bet that far more than 1% of the hugs you receive from women are more than a friendly gesture. After all, you are a very attractive man. (As for middle aged ... if you're middle aged, then I'm middle aged, and I'm not applying that term to myself any time soon.)
I've never been huggy/touchy either until the last few years. Hugs are very comforting and I am glad that you have learned this as much as I have. :)
Since I was part of the original conversation that started this ruminating, I thought I would chime in. The SCA has taught me to be more of a touchy-feely person. I came into the society with space issues (still have them), but have learned to let some of them go enough to let people get "closer" to me. I have never been one to hug others, but now feel much more comfortable allowing certain people into that personal space and actually take comfort in the contact.
Sounds like you all need to get into a three way for Valentine's day.
Sounds like what you need is a three way on Valentine's day.
sounds like I'm in the "the SCA made me a hugger" club as well, but only for close friends or people I like and feel comfortable with. Even after 15 years in the Society I won't hug just anybody . . .
and I'm with Anne on that "middle-aged" crap. We are NOT middle-aged, we're just right